Musings

When life puts you on your back

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This year is the year of the injuries. Ever since January I have had one injury after the other.

Anyone that’s gone through physiotherapy will be able to relate to how much of a mind game it is when you are trying to work your way back to full strength. You gingerly test the waters and build yourself back up and then there is the horror of doing it again!

Frozen

I woke up one day this week and I couldn’t move, I had somehow injured my back again. But this time it was different, this time it was worse.

I couldn’t get dressed, I couldn’t tie my shoelaces, I couldn’t walk without stabbing pain. You know the drill.

I called work and said that I’d be working from home.

Self pity

Then I had a meltdown. Why is this happening again? why is it worse? what have I done wrong? what is the lesson that am I missing? why is this pattern repeating? why can’t I help myself? I did everything right and followed the rehab programme religiously, how could have this happened?

Isolation

The only thing that felt good was to lie on my back on the floor.

From this position something started happening, I started thinking about what I could do. I changed a meeting to a teleconference and spoke for 30 minutes on my back – I could still take calls, clear emails from my phone and stand up briefly to access documents, I realised I was functioning, I was working.

Star gazing

When I needed breaks I would watch the sky, the colours would change really quickly, the clouds would move in all different ways. I realised that this is a perspective we rarely take the time to see,  we live our whole lives never truly looking up. We have so much to thank the environment for -it literally gives us life. I paused and sent the earth some good vibes, thanking it from my heart.

Tears of joy

48 hours later I could bend slightly, I was so grateful. I was so happy. I was still in pain but look at everything I could do! I was grateful that my team were so supportive, I was grateful that technology allowed me to work from home. I was just plain grateful, you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

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No miracles, just lessons

I wish I could tell you that I woke up 100% cured – I didn’t but my physio gave me a plan and a diagnosis and I felt empowered. I can do this.

I reflected about everything I had learned this week:

  • The symbolic nature of the back and what it stands for. I was stopped in my tracks and chucked on my butt. I had to priortise what was important and choose what to do.
  • I was present more, when my husband was talking I was properly listening to him. Not watching tv, knitting, writing a to do list and listening to him. I realised how much I do not hold space for people as much as I think I do.
  • I found ways to be grateful which reminded me that my mind space sets my intention and therefore impacts on how the day will unfold.
  • I asked for help more and I had to rely on people a lot more – I had to let go.
  • I had to learn that things aren’t going to fall apart. Meetings can be rescheduled, friends will understand if I have to move things.
  • I was reminded that perspective is everything. I needed to take the time to look up and see things from a different angle.

The biggest lesson: just because I’m given an idea or project (at work or in my personal life) doesn’t mean that I have to feel compelled to do it all as quickly as possible.

Receive the download and trust that things will fall into place and find you when you need it.

 

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